


Levi's Mourning

by hanjizoes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 21:08:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1240858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanjizoes/pseuds/hanjizoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi’s walls are starting to break down and the loss of his squad is almost too much for him to handle. A tiny one-shot that may or may not tear your heart into a million pieces. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Levi's Mourning

The night was silent and the sky was empty, not a single person was outside, for everyone lived in fear of the darkness even when it should’ve been the complete opposite. The Titans never appeared after dawn turned to dusk; a mystery that not even Hanji had solved yet. Everyone was cooped inside, wallowing in their fear of the events that had occurred earlier that day. Levi walked around with a weight in his shoulders, so heavy, that his feet felt more and more like lead the further he walked down the hall. Everyone steered clear of Levi’s way, what had happened earlier this afternoon was the new buzz, and Levi could still hear people whisper of their failed mission. It wasn’t the failure that irritated him and it wasn’t even the fact that people discussed it. The failed mission wasn’t expected and neither unexpected, it was a 50/50 chance and apparently the odds were against them. But there was a quenching and aching feeling lying in the pit of Levi’s stomach, like he was missing a vital organ and he’d only just noticed it’s absence. He walked faster down the hallway, he let his feet guide him instead of his brain, he didn’t even realize he was going to the infirmary until he smelled the strong stench of medicine in the air. 

The white of the room hurt his eyes, it was a blinding color compared to the dimly lit hallways. The room was empty, all wounded soldiers had either died or had minor injuries, nothing fatal enough to stay overnight. But there was only one person lying down on a hospital bed, his eyes closed, his chest fluttering up and down, the only sign he was alive. Eren. He looked peaceful when he was asleep, like a newborn baby. But Levi could see Eren’s eyes move from the back of his eyelids, as if he was having a very bad dream. Levi pulled a chair and sat down next to Eren, his head bent down so he was staring at his lap. The empty feeling inside his chest spread even more, metaphorical hands were closed harshly around his throat, and the weight on his shoulder grew heavier. 

All his life Levi was used to death. He was on the brink of death half the time he fought the Titans, but it didn’t stop him from doing it. He made quick decisions for the sake of mankind and he knew that anyone that died during a mission, died for humanity. They didn’t die in vain and their memory wouldn’t be forgotten. Levi never bothered with the theatrics that came with mourning a lost one, he let a tiny feeling come over him, and that was that. There was nothing that needed to be done, no tears to be shed and no punches to be thrown carelessly at walls. Death was normal around here and it was definitely an irreversible act. 

_Then why do I feel like just lost my lung?_

A hand met Levi’s and he jerked his head up to find Eren sitting up, his green eyes staring at him intently. He looked exhausted and in incredible pain, but he was hiding it pretty well.  _For a brat._ Levi’s eyes travelled to Eren’s body, there wasn’t a single scratch on him and that was for the best. Eren needed to stand on his own two feet as soon as possible, there was no time to waste. 

“Where are Mikasa and Armin?” Eren asked, breaking the silence and taking his hand away from Levi’s. 

“I have no idea. They were with you all night but Hanji convinced them to get some sleep, visit you in the morning,” Levi answered, his voice hoarse.

“And why are you here?” Eren asked, he didn’t mean it in a harsh way, it was merely a normal question.

“Does my presence not satisfy you, brat?” Levi sneered, he couldn’t help it. Here he was visiting the little shit and he wasn’t even grateful for it.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I don’t know why I’m here, and I don’t know why I’m wasting my time with you.” Levi suddenly got up and just as he was about to leave Eren caught Levi’s wrist and pulled Levi towards him so he was sitting on the bed next to him. Levi made no attempts to leave.

“Are you okay, corporal?” Eren asked. 

“Why do you care, Jaeger?” Levi pulled his wrist from Eren’s grasp, causing Eren to flinch in the process. “It’s just another failed mission and there’s nothing we can do about it. We’ll have a meeting now to discuss finding the Female Titan. Armin says he has a lead, I need to go tell Petra and Au-”

Levi stopped himself before he continued.  _How fucking embarrassing._

“You miss them don’t you?” Eren sighed, he was surprisingly calm for someone who had just had another near death experience. 

“Miss who?” 

“Don’t play dumb corporal, you know who I’m talking about. Your squad. The squad that fought for their lives, fought for my protection, and died because of it.”

“Please go on Jaeger, you were just getting to the good part.” 

A silence filled the room, Eren didn’t say anything, and Levi didn’t feel like talking either. Eren’s thoughts were so loud Levi could practically feel the worried vibes he was giving off, it annoyed him how the kid could see right through his facade. No one even asked him if he was okay, they just bowed their heads, spoke a few meaningless words, and left. They just assumed that Levi losing his entire squad was something that meant absolutely nothing to him, as if they were flies and who in their right mind would mourn flies? 

Once again, Eren broke the silence he had created, “Corporal,” he spoke, his voice smooth and concerned, his hands touched Levi’s fingers and Levi didn’t hesitate to hold Eren’s hand in his. 

“What happened out there?” Levi asked. The only thing he saw were the fallen bodies of his squad, with blood pooling around them and their insides flowing out like confetti. It was an image Levi was going to have nightmares over. He didn’t know how they died but all he knew was, the Female Titan was to blame, and there was nothing more to it. It had been hours since then, and curiosity was eating away in Levi’s mind; he needed to know the details. To know the honorable deaths his squad had suffered. “How did it kill them Eren?” 

Eren sighed, “That’s not important… It is, but it’s not important right now. They died fighting, they died as heroes, they died for me because I was too stupid to make a choice without second guessing it. You lost your squad and it’s all my fault.”

Levi looked up and met Eren’s eyes, they were filled with tears that were threatening to fall, and Eren’s hold on Levi’s hand suddenly got tighter. The tears never fell because Levi wiped them away with the tips of his fingers before Eren could begin his sob fest. The salty tears lingered on Levi fingertips and just as Eren was about to say something, Levi interrupted him.

“I’m the one who should be crying… That’s how it works right?” Levi asked, his voice cracking, but tears were never an option. 

“I guess so… But you’re used to this loss aren’t you? I think whatever is in our minds that makes us want to cry just isn’t activated in your brain?” 

“Damn it Jaeger you really know how to ruin the moment don’t you?” 

“Eren… Call me Eren, corporal.”

“How did they die, Eren?” Levi asked again, he couldn’t help it, he was going to ask until he go an answer. 

“I don’t know… I ran to safety and when I turned around they were already dead…”

Levi could practically smell the lie rolling off Eren’s tongue, he swiped away his hand and it came directly in contact with Eren’s throat and the threats spilled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“Tell me how my fucking squad died you little shit. Just tell me how they died or I swear to God I will rip your throat out with my bare hands Eren.”

“S-t-ohh-hh-p,” Eren choked out and Levi released his hold. His fingers left red marks on Eren’s throat, visible to anyone.  _Great._ “They died and that’s all you need to know. Why can’t you just let down this wall for once corporal? THEY DIED AND YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE ANGRY ABOUT IT.” Eren yelled, his voice breaking slightly. 

Levi was surprised to see this kind of reaction from Eren, his eyes widened for a second before they travelled to his lap. 

“Why the fuck do I feel like someone just ripped my liver from my chest?” Levi confessed. “I’ve seen death around me so many times, and I should be used to it, but… this is different.”

“Of course it is… They were your squad Levi.. They weren’t just some strangers on the street.”

A chill passed through Levi’s body, a chill that made him shiver, and he let out a ragged breath of irritation. He was irritated that Eren had hit some sort of nerve, he pushed all the buttons until he hit the right one. There was something about the kid, he was a stupid teenager yes, but he was probably the only one that talked to Levi like he was someone capable of human emotion.

“I always think they’re going to walk through this door… That they’re going to come running to me for whatever meeting we have and shove their opinions down my throats and yell my name till they can finally get my attention. It’s not healthy to put this delusion into my head that they’re still alive because they’re not. You’re right. I’ve seen death. In so many forms you wouldn’t imagine Jeager.”

Before Levi knew it, Eren had wrapped his arms around Levi and it was a gesture that surprised Levi so much he didn’t know how to react, and then suddenly he gave in and hugged Eren back, with his head buried in the nap of Eren’s neck. Levi wasn’t crying, he wasn’t even thinking of shedding a single tear, but he sat like that, in Eren’s arms for as long as he could remember. 

That was the first time Levi had ever had the time to mourn the loss of anyone. It was a card he could never pull out of the deck, an option he never had the chance to choose. He could still see the faces of his fallen soldiers. Their blank faces with no expressions. Petra’s eyes were empty of any emotion and life, her body leaned against a tree, and blood poured on the sides of her mouth. Erd’s deformed body was lying on the ground when Levi saw him, he could barely even find the second half of his body, it was tangled in the mess of blood on the earth. Gunter’s neck had been sliced open as he dangled from a tree branch like an acrobat that missed a step and had fallen to his death. Auruo’s open mouth flashed in Levi’s head, it was a horrible sight to remember and for some reason, Levi was remembering it all. 

 

With his head digging further into Eren’s neck, Levi mourned and he mourned till there was nothing left to mourn. And he left the infirmary with the hint of tears on his eyelashes and a new crack in his heart where the special ops used to be. 


End file.
